Chaptzem Blog!      

Henry Kissinger tried and failed.
So did Sadat and Begin, Carter, Reagan and Clinton. The UN has taken umpteen cracks at it. Pope John Paul II made a poignant pitch.
Who could say no to Condoleezza Rice? Only those happy-go-lucky folks in the Middle East.
Me, I'd cut off all trade, all air travel, all transmissions of American Idol (false idols, anyway) until they get their acts together. The whole lot of them.
Since nobody has asked me, let's turn to a more credible saviour for the Middle East.
Schmelvis.
Yes, Schmelvis. The only Hasidic Jewish Elvis impersonator in the world, far as I know. A sort of King of the Jews.
And he's on a mission of peace.
"What's going on over there has me all shook up," says Schmelvis.
Aw, jeez, here we go with the Elvis puns. Don't be cruel.
I've reached Schmelvis at home in Montreal, where he's also Dan Hartal, 45.
Toronto Film Festival-goers may remember his 2002 documentary, Schmelvis: Searching for the King's Jewish Roots.
"He's a pretty strange guy," reported the film's producer.
Strange, but true to the principles of peace.
So Schmelvis is trying to get to the Holy Land post haste, to bring some loving to those Jews and Palestinians.
I'm just a hunk, a hunk of burning love.
Yep, that oughtta do the trick.
You giggle, but nothing else has worked.

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