Monday, August 22, 2022
An Ex-Hasidic Woman Shares Her Story: “All Societies Have Faults”
Many think they know about Orthodox Judaism thanks to TV shows like "Unorthodox" and "My Unorthodox Life," a.k.a. media that shows off the community in a negative light without any sort of context that these are dysfunctional families. But where are the stories of inspiration? Where are honest, nuanced alternative narratives to balance that out? Enter Frieda Vizel.
Frieda grew up in a Satmar community in Kiryas Joel and initially left at the age of 25 as a single mother to her son, Seth. After spending a number of years trying to acclimate to a new non-Hasidic frum community, she left that community as well due to the lack of being welcomed by her new environment and the stigma of being ex-Hasidic. After reading her story, and feeling distraught from it, Jew in the City founder and executive director, Allison Josephs, wrote a post explaining that she feared that Jews were leaving observance completely after they left the ultra-Orthodox world because no one in other communities was welcoming them in. From this post, Makom, the JITC branch that helps disenfranchised charedi Jews find a positive place in Orthodoxy was born.
While Frieda didn't wind up back in an orthodox lifestyle, she didn't disown it either. Frieda may no longer be observant, but she has remained close to her community. She offers walking tours of Hasidic Williamsburg and Boro Park as a means of educating people on Hasidus. She also has a YouTube channel where she has videos on Hasidic food, holidays, kosher technology, and more.
"I thought I would live my whole life in the community, frankly," she says. "I'm still surprised by my journey." Seeking closure after her departure, she began studying parts of the Hasidic culture that fascinated her or otherwise felt like loose ends in her understanding. This included the history of women shaving their heads, which had bothered her significantly and was a custom that she herself had practiced for five years. By doing so, she was able to distance herself a bit from the emotional side of the practice. In addition to personal research, while in grad school, Frieda was asked to give a tour in Williamsburg: from there, she ended up becoming a regular in the neighborhood and continues to give tours professionally since 2013.
That and more have been part of her personal journey and have allowed her to be connected to her roots despite not being a part of the community directly. She documents various elements of the Hasidic community's lifestyle (such as music, toys, street signs and art) on her blog. She feels like the positives and joys of these communities have been ignored by academia, sociology, and journalism — she strives to make sure that the nuances are seen and heard.
At the same time, she speaks candidly about her own journey away from the Hasidic — and ultimately, Orthodox Jewish — lifestyle, which was painful and difficult. "While in the community, I felt very voiceless," she confesses. The only people who I felt were really speaking for [the community] were either people who left and were very angry, or people who were the designated authorities — almost exclusively male — who got to tell what felt like a very PR spin. It was very important to me to share this very unique world from an everyday woman's perspective."
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