Chaptzem Blog!      

As a Catskill resident and a long time observer of frum adults and kids, I am always impressed when the olam wants to keep its kids in jail. There has always been problems. When spouses are left alone all week and . . . When kids are brought up without any hobbies . . . When families choose to vacation in an area without any kosher nightlife for teens and young adults. . .

Face it there is nothing that is exciting or even interesting to do on any night in the Catskills. Movies are banned. Watching for owls is boring. Watching for deer and bear . . . What do you expect the kids to do? The first few weeks are okay but then real boredom sets in.

Stop coming to the Catskills! Wait till gambling comes in! Will you be able to keep your adults away from the casinos?

 

Do you have any sources, or are you just posting what first comes to mind!?

 

Not only is this a sad fact, but the "Rabbis" of our generation, that are so worried about 'summer hangouts', need to open their eyes and see that this is far from a seasonal problem.
We are the same kids hanging out all winter, ESPECIALLY in Boro Park, MOnsey, and Flatbush, and we have left our devatstated, loving, broken parents, and have formed our own society.
WAKE UP, all you 'Rabbi Horowitzes' out there..stop writing your articles and actually DO something to get us back home, or at least stop enabling us to be runaways,as was my case... as is the case with Rabbi Gluck's Areivim organization in Monsey,...
Stop training us to be on our own and rebel against society, and try to guide us back in!
I laughed at the article in the JP, because I know that, as a kid at risk myself, these "Rabbis" actually help us to go farther away from Yiddishkeit, and be MORE alienated from our families,instead of the other way around.
I was given instructions not to talk to my family and to 'take time to understand my anger'which further alienated me from my parents...I was given a job and a place to stay, out of my family home. I made connections with others like me...and there is a HUGE community of us kids out there!!!
If these Rabbis really cared about anything but themselves, and I am talking to the Rabbi Glucks of the world, they would help us rejoin our families, instead of keeping us away, and helping us connect to others like ourselves..some with severe emotional problems...
We DO hang out all year, some of us aren't even religious anymore...
I was lucky and found my way back ON MY OWN, but many kids havent..
THANK YOU RABBI GLUCK for almost destroying my life....you will pay in shomayim, no doubt....
Adn as far as the 'concern' about this 'summer problem'...all I can say is..WAKE UP!!!
Signed, Disenfranchised Youth

 

If we complain that the Gedolim are wrong we get bashed, yet what are we supposed to do

First they want woodburn off limits then teh kids go do private drugs

then in eretz Yisroel they want a ban on all jewish Concerts, so that the kids can go where?

When will this end?

 

WE NEED TO ADDRESS THIS ISSUE AND MAKE SURE OUR KIDS DO HAVE HOBBIES AND CAN PLAY A BIT AND NOT RESTRICT THEM FROM EVERYTHING SINCE THAT IS WHEN THEY WANT NOTING AT ALL!!!

 

as anon says, that he is a "at risk" kid, i have to say that I agree completly.
After being kicked from yeshiva, I did nothing but sleep all day.
I would wake up at 6:00 pm, and be up till 5 in the morning.
Is it really the right thing to do to kick a kid for sleeping, or watching movies, or anything like that?
im doing that after school, at least i was, now im doing it in the theaters, with the many, many girls in the same type of situation!
Maybe talk a little more and be a little slower on the trigger, eh?

What do you expect a kid like me to do???

Yeshiva is out, there is nothing to do, I sleep all day, so im up all night, of course im gonna hang with all the tons and tons of other kids just like me!

If your not going to give me, us, a place to chill, WITHOUT being forced to learn, etc., then im gonna hang with kids in other places.

Signed,
A kid on the wrong side.

 

To "Disenfranchised Youth ":
Instead of telling the above mentioned what they are doing wrong, why don't you give specifics about what ought to be done, that would be right.

Mechanchim and parents are hesitant to keep rebellious kids around non rebellious kids- for fear of influence. This pushes them to rebel more.

What's the solution?

 

These kids need to learn toireh- I'm young and that's what I do at night. Why isn't that good enough for them? Why do they need to go on dates, dance, eat in pizza stores or wear denim skirts, among the host of other evil, treife, goyishe things they do? WE NEED MOSHIACH NOW!

 

Dear Anonomous !!!

We are the broken parents of a wonderful kid that we love dearly. he is trying to rebel or tring us.... I identify with your pain and your family pain. I admire your courage for returning on your OWN. In the end - we are what we make from ourself.

May Hashem be on your right always! You had a terrible Nissayon and YOU MADE IT !!!

Good Luck.

 

for the disenfranchised youth,

obviously your road of redemption has set you quite short of your goals. to openly post on a blog a rabbis name who i personally know has done nothing but put his own heart and life on the line to help save at least a few jewish souls is not something a "saved" soul would say. maybe for you the seperation was a bad thing but you must surely be a fool to think that you have the answers for everyone else!!! i know much about the arievim program and ive met and shmoozed with quite a few of the members. i have also personally attended jewish teens at risk programs many a time and the only answer to this whole dillema is that there is no answer.i have seen countless teens turning to authority figures for advice and help. who says the help they want is reintergration?? i can probably show you where putting someone back into the community they have been running from their whole live can be detrimental for them. i have been around since the whole "teens at risk" idea started about 10 years ago. ive seen many many people come and go on the "drug" scene, ive known people who have died and ive known many people who have never and most likely will never come back. believe me i could spend the rest of this blog spewing rabbis names who have either physically or emotionally hurt me in the past. but the road of redemption is more than just about religion. its about growing within yourself to a point of being able to honestly tell yourself that truth be told your not important enough for others to dislike you and to waste their time trying to mess up your life and that though some who claim to have the answers hold nothing but hot air. consider yourself redeemed when you could wake up in the morning and blame no one but yourself for your faults and look forward to no one but yourself helping you to grow another day
sincerly
just plain irked

 

Mechanchim and parents are hesitant to keep rebellious kids around non rebellious kids- for fear of influence. This pushes them to rebel more.

What's the solution?
-----
As someone who was chucked from a right-wing Yeshiva in Brooklyn, not all kids who are chucked are rebelious or a bad influence. My crime was simply "doing nothing." I came to Yeshiva on time, attended all the required Shiurim and left on time. The only catch is that I didn't learn. For that I was chucked. Well, I am married with kids now, but I haven't worn Tzitzis in years, don't daven....Clearly, the reprecussions continue for many years after being chucked.

 

the hobby that buchrim need today is music. whatever happened to the "yeshiva boys" that jammed together? Then got calls to perform at Pirchei or shul melavah malkas etc?
what happened to "chesed" groups?
you neglect to mention that eliminating these 'public venues' eliminates the Shidduch opportunities as well.
and summer jobs? when did it become a mitzvah to be oleh regel to the catskills?
all i can say is our "dor" needs a ye'shua BIG time - b'korov mamish!!

 

there is no such thing as an at risk kid. there is a thing called an adolescent. the rabunim who cant cope with reality created this falacy to make themselves look more important. if we look at richie cinningham and ralf malf from the 70's show happy days, thay were every day normal kids. big deal if you smoke a cigarette or talk to a girl. if you dont get hit by lightning it cant be too bad. the real problem starts when the kids turn to drugs as a result of the machanchim who are clueless to what and how a mnormal kid grows up.

 

the real problem starts when the kids turn to drugs as a result of the machanchim who are clueless to what and how a mnormal kid grows up.
--------
That's what being "at risk" means.

 

Well of course good kids get messed up, you have to learn all day -unatural for a normal teen to sit all day IMO, cant play, and chas vesholom you should have a hobby then you're a totaly a lost cause, a job maybe, learn a trade that actually interests you, then you're a totally black sheep.
I thank Hashem that my parents guided me to a job that interested me, when they saw I could'nt kvetch a bahnk all day. No Rav wanted to see me a second time.
These good Rabonim are only working on the lost ones,
the yeshivas are full of the 'at risk' ones.

A Brooklynite

 

the phrase
"These good Rabonim are only working on the lost ones,
the yeshivas are full of the 'at risk' ones."
commented by 'a brooklynite' is 100 per cent true.

 

Hi, disenfranchised youth again..Let me respond to the person who "knows" areivim and other organizations like it. I was IN them..I didn't "know" them. I can tell you about the pain I experienced BECAUSE of them and the Rabbis like Gluck, Belsky, whoever...the list goes on....
I never said I blamed them for my being at risk..If you READ(can YOU?)what I wrote, I said, I blamed HIM and all the other so called Rabbis for making my confusion and pain MUCH WORSE, and until today I have a difficult family relationship because of Gluck's so-called "guidance". (which I was glad to hear, was actually out of business at some point, and I hope it still is.) His 'help' cost me, and many others like me, much emotional and mental stress, and many of us are still suffering, myself included.
As far as telling Rabbis what to do RIGHT, I would say as follows:
1. YOU ARE NOT trained therapists or psychologists. PLEASE direct us to those who ARE and stop giving us this nonsensical advice that screws us up.
2. Work with our FAMILIES and not just us. Help them to 'get' our pain, don't play us against each other as you did in my case, and stop separating us.
3. DO NOT give us a way to stay out of our homes...many of us come from great families who want us back. Help that to happen, stop finding us places to live and jobs, with kids who are even more dangerous than we are, who will take our innocence, what ever we still have left, and 'educate' us in ways we never would have known about, had we come home...
4.Stop taking our parent's money, from some more than they could afford, for your 'programs'...and just help us to help ourselves...it doesnt take money to bring someone to those who TRULY want to help.the REAL heroes, mentors, true Rabbis, true therapists, who by the way, offer to do this free of charge... stop talking financials to our poor parents who are so desperate, they will pay you even when you do NOTHING(as it was in my case) so that you won't 'drop' their child...
Remember, all you Rabbis, there is aJUDGE<<, there is a JUDGEMENT...and Hashem sees all...
TO the worried mother..I am not back yet but thank you for your encouragement. My mother feels you Tzaar too, as she read this, and wants you to know how many TONS of others there are out there, mourning their lost dreams and their present Tzaar. DONT give up, It is Elul and Hashem is very close...but be careful in whom you choose to help you...I have met many fakers and liars out there with the title of Rabbi...and so have my parents....Hatzlacha.
Signed,
Disenfranchised YOuth

 

"the yeshivas are full of the 'at risk' ones"

As a bochur from a black hat yeshiva myself, I could tell you that this is one million percent true. I see first hand that there are many guys that are not happy in yeshiva and in learning the whole day, yet don't want to be stigmatized by their parents, teachers, and/or community by getting a part time job or education. Instead they "hang out" and don't learn seriously. I'm really glad that there are people like R. Horowitz who are bringing up this issue so that the next generation of teenagers will not be plagued with these problems like mine was.

 

'Frustrated Bochur' I've been there & done that, unfortunately even R' Horowitz and some other Rabonim (very few) who have the seichel to mainstream a well behaved boy who cant kvetch a bhank all day, and allow other activities, can write and say wonderfull speeches till they are blue in the face - and it wont make a bit of a difference, since the mainstream Yeshiva's with the choshiva roshei yeshivas dont want to know you if you if you dont fit the mold (with few exceptions).

A Brooklynite

 

I am a parent of a child who "went off." By that, I don't mean that he just dropped out of yeshiva (which he did), after being pushed out and kicked out, or slept all day and went out all night, or did drugs, or got arrested for stupidities because he envisioned this or wanted it for himself. These are all a culmination of many unfortunate factors. Nonetheless, if I could do what I am doing now many years ago, I would have hugged him more (especially after being kicked out of yeshiva) and told him he is terrific in MY eyes. The suffering of these kids is unmeasurable. Be there for them by listening and making necessary adjustments that suit who your child is. If you can SHOW that you love your child without a kippah, wearing jeans or a mini skirt, or being mechalel Shabbos, you will have a relationship with him/her. Down the road, when he/she is more mature and has weathered the ups and downs WITH YOU as his parent, he will be much more likely to work out his disappointment, rejection etc. and hopefully want to have a relationship with G-d because he has what is most important and that is a loving and caring family who loves him NO MATTER WHAT!